


Can’t Be Sure

by AllThingsGeeky



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Accidental wetting, Half finished work, Omocute, Omorashi, Skrull’s, Tony Stark acting as Peter Parker’s parental figure, alien stuff, author is allergic to proofreading, irondad and spideyson, just an idea, none of this really makes sense but meh, pee desperation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:46:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23984785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllThingsGeeky/pseuds/AllThingsGeeky
Summary: I may come back and rework this later, flesh it out a little- I just had to make myself write something 😂
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	Can’t Be Sure

**Author's Note:**

> I may come back and rework this later, flesh it out a little- I just had to make myself write something 😂

“Kid calm down we’ll get there when we get there.”

“Sorry- I’m just excited!” Peter bounced around the cargo space, practically vibrating with excitement before he was corralled back into his seat. He couldn’t help it- he’d never been to another planet before! Well there was that one time- but that hardly counted, this time he was actually gonna get to go out there and see everything. Mr. Stark had promised if he was good that he’d let him mess around with the gravity settings on his suit too, how could he not be excited?! 

“So excited you forgot your seatbelt for landing?” Clint shook his head as he reached over to rectify the boy's mistake. 

“Oops, thank you.” Peter giggled sheepishly. This was his first real- like  _ real  _ real mission with the rest of the team and as excited as he was he really wanted to make a good impression. He’d been on plenty of calls with them but this was his first planned, step by step, gotta listen or you end up dead kinda deal- so he was determined for more reasons than one to do a good job. 

Steve had debriefed them before they got on the ship about the nature of their mission. Typical deal, a bunch of rogue alien arms dealers were threatening the earth, blah blah blah- but the fun part was that they’d managed to track them down to an  _ alien planet.  _ And they weren’t just humans harnessing alien tech they were  _ actual aliens _ \- which was dope! Peter had yet to meet an alien- well that wasn’t quite true. He’d met Thor obviously, but Thor didn’t really count since his culture was so intertwined with Norse Mythology and he looked and behaved rather human too- but Captain Rogers had described these arms dealers as a combination of several races, a few Peter was proud to say he’d actually recognised. 

“Skrull?” Peter asked pointedly when Steve was going through the list from the intel they had. The teen recognised the name from the stories Mr. Fury had told him, so he was surprised to hear them mentioned. 

“But aren’t they good guys?” 

“They are, generally speaking. They’re very peaceful people, stick to themselves- but of course you get bad bananas in every bunch.” Steve explained with a fond smile.

“‘Bad bananas’- You’re so old.” Nat snorted.

“They’re the ones that can shape shift and stuff right?” 

“Not shapeshifting. They’re able to hack their genetic code and replicate tissue, sensory and semantic memory- it’s not as simple as changing their appearance. They can remember short term memories from the host they copy.” Bruce chimed in, it having been his job to brief everyone with a full encyclopaedic knowledge of the medical side of things. 

_ “Cool.”  _ Peter breathed out automatically, before he glanced up and saw the very disapproving look he was seeing from Tony. “I mean- not cool. Serious. Very serious.”

“Yeah, seriously cool.” Tony smirked and Peter grinned back at him. He couldn’t help but indulge in the kids enthusiasm. After all, the kid’s child-like wonder is what made him such an asset in the lab and the field. Who was he to try and dull that spark? 

Once they landed it was a real fight to keep Peter in his seat and away from any windows, or god forbid the control panel. Tony had to distract him by detailing what he was doing just to stop the kid from touching anything. He was sure to be a little vague on the logistics, just in case his kid got any bright ideas and decided to try and copy what he was doing (which he had a tendency to do). “-disengage the radiation shields and voila.” 

Peter watched as the shields lifted allowing light to snake in through the windows. It was like something out of a sci-fi movie. All the colours and foliage that littered the landscape- it was like earth but everything was just slightly wrong just one beat off and shifted slightly to the left. Where they landed was like a desert on one side, hills of pale silver sand piling up all around them; but on the other side there was a dense forest that looked almost tropical and Peter couldn’t wait to see what kind of creatures lurked in there. 

No like, literally couldn’t wait. The kid was already pulling his suit on and running towards the door before Tony could drag him back by his collar. “Can I go outside?!” 

“Hold your horses, kid. We gotta scan and scope out the area first, see what we’re dealing with. Then we’ll discuss an outing.” Tony rolled his eyes. Peter was like a puppy and the man remembered he’d neglected to let the kid burn off some energy before they got on the ship; no wonder he was bouncing off the walls. That and he was pretty sure he’d seen Nat sneaking the kid candy when Steve wasn’t looking. 

Upon further inspection they found there were some traces of radiation in the atmosphere. Not major, it could’ve been residual from when they entered the planets orbit- but it was enough to where most of their team would have some adverse effects if they stayed out there too long; not super bad effects, but they all agreed they’d rather not deal with copious amounts of puking and rashes if they could help it. So no one could go outside- other than two of them. Of course it would be Thor and Peter. It wouldn’t have been so much of an issue if the planet didn’t have a strong electromagnetic field that knocked out all of their communication devices. They could still use sonar to scan for life forms in the area, so people on the ship would be able to track both their movements and anybody else’s who came along, but their comms lines weren’t functioning; and sending their two (mentally) youngest members out alone didn’t seem like a good idea. Now they all knew Thor wouldn’t let anything bad happen but come on- the pair were like a couple of little kids when they were left alone. 

Steve was also a viable candidate, considering his mutation left him with a high immunity against both gamma and beta rays- but he wouldn’t be able to use the necessary tech it took to get good readings. The man could barely work an iPhone without some form of instruction- and Thor wasn’t much better so it had to be Peter and one of them. After a while of conversing on the matter (without Peter’s input of course, he was sent off with Nat to go and ‘check the engines’) they deduced that Thor was more well versed in entering alien planets and not disrupting the locals. But the entire situation was more than a little anxiety inducing. 

Peter however had no such qualms. When he was told it would be him and Thor sent out to scope out and patrol the area he was ecstatic, knowing the blond god would be the most likely to let him have a little fun whilst he was out there- within reason of course. Besides, Thor took his babysitting role very seriously, knowing full well that it was very rare Tony would let anyone be in sole charge of his kid other than him. 

With Peter’s help Tony managed to set up a rudimentary radio communication tower; but due to the interference the range was short, only spanning a few miles outside the craft. Another part of Thor and Peter’s short expedition was to set up more towers around the place in hopes that eventually when they confronted the enemy they’d be able to communicate with one another. It wouldn’t be too much of an issue if they couldn’t, they were all trained to handle a black out communications mission, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. 

When the time came for the pair to head out Tony had to admit he was panicking quite a bit. He didn’t even like letting Peter out of his site when they went to Walmart let alone out on an alien planet. “Peter you promise me you’ll stick with Thor 100% of the time?”

“Uh huh I promise.” Peter nodded militantly before grasping the man’s pinky finger with his own. 

“I want you back here in 2 hours, understood? And I want you to rendezvous at these checkpoints every fifteen minutes.” Tony continued as he set about securing Peter’s armour a little more snuggly and tapping in the coordinates for the preset patrol boundaries. “Your watch won’t work due to the magnetic pull, but Karen’s internal timers should still function perfectly fine.” 

Before he was allowed to go anywhere of course Peter and his suit were subject to a bunch of diagnostic tests as well as general maintenance. Though the air was breathable Tony made sure the filters in Peter’s mask were working at optimum capacity, as well as ensuring he had an emergency supply of oxygen just in case. He checked all the code monitoring Peter’s internal functions, knowing even if he couldn’t receive a live relay that Karen was monitoring the kid’s vital signs at all times and should something go awry she would enter autopilot mode and get him back there ASAP. He went through all the necessary checks, made sure the kid had all his tools, his first aid kit, extra web fluid- there was one fluid level that he couldn’t check though, the kid would have to do that manually. “Do you need to go pee before you head out?”

“Mr. Stark..” Peter hissed out embarrassedly. Not that anyone was paying particular attention but Tony wasn’t exactly quiet when he asked. He knew it wasn’t an unreasonable question either since the man had seen him in plenty of desperate situations- but the rest of the team didn’t need to know that. Besides he didn’t need to, even if all his training (both from his early childhood and superhero) told him he should at least  _ try  _ and go before he left he chose to ignore it- and his mentor. 

“Just checking, kid.” Tony smirked and ruffled the child’s hair before he adorned his mask to cover up his bright red face. 

Seeing Peter was now fully in his garb, mask and all, Thor bounded over to them; swinging Mjolnir as he skipped in a way that made all the other adults extremely nervous. “Are you ready youngling?”

“Yes sir!” Peter saluted him and before long Tony watched the halfwits run out of the bay doors and into the unknown. Alone. 

Despite his reservations the rest of the team coaxed Tony into somewhat relaxing. He busied himself setting up the life scanners and manually scoping out some of the areas further afield that Thor and Peter were sure to miss. Steve was also sure to ply him with conversation the entire time which was a sure sign the blond was nervous also, but was trying his best not to show it. For once Tony decided not to pick at him for it and instead accepted the man’s form of comfort. 

However their conversation was interrupted when their vibration alarms set off and they heard a metallic banging on the bay doors. 

Immediately all conversation stilled as Tony checked the cameras; and only when they revealed Peter standing there did anyone breathe again. That was until they realised Peter was alone and seemed to be in a state of distress. 

Tony also found it odd how the boy had appeared after only an hour when they were scheduled to be gone for at least two. There was no way Peter could’ve made it around their patrol border in that amount of time. Well, maybe Peter could have but Thor certainly couldn’t have- then again Thor was  _ gone.  _

“Kid what happened?” Tony called calmly through the speakers though he could feel his heart pounding and his arc whirring violently to compensate. 

“Nothing Mr. Stark, I just really need to use the restroom.” Peter called out and then Tony took a chance to take in the boy’s movements. He was bouncing foot to foot animatedly, occasionally pausing to cross his ankles before resuming the little two step he was doing. Now that he was within the confines of their oxygen field the boy removed his mask to reveal pinched features and red cheeks.

“Where’s Thor? And why didn’t you go before you left?” Tony asked with a small sigh towards the latter part of that question. Of course he was namely concerned with why the hell Peter had gone against the one rule he’d given him; but he couldn’t help the dad question slipping out. In fact he was pretty sure he’d asked Peter to go before he left the ship, but it wouldn’t have surprised him if he’d forgotten in his excitement. 

And Peter answered him letting him know his theory was correct. “He told me to go in the bushes but I couldn’t so I came back- and, I uh, well I forgot before I left, sir.”

“I told you not to leave his sight, kid.” Tony sighed frustratedly, ‘and I told you to go pee but apparently we didn’t put on our listening ears today.’ Though he did note that it was odd for Peter to answer his questions in order. His kid always had a knack for answering the last question he asked  _ first  _ because that was just how his brain worked. Apparently it was an ADHD thing. “You pinky promised me.”

“I know I know I’m sorry but I  _ really  _ need to go!” Peter whined and made a show of dancing with a bit more vigor; going as far as to bend at the waist and cross his legs fully as he bounced in front of the doors. 

“Okay, alright, keep your hair on. Just put in the passcode.” Tony instructed, waiting for Peter to punch in the numbers so he could authorise the boy’s entry. But as he waited all the man saw flashing up on the screen was a jumbled series of red blaring ‘access denied’ alerts. 

“Uhm..Mr. Stark?! I-it’s not working!” Peter yelled through the tannoy frantically, pacing in front of the door before turning from the camera to slip a hand between his legs. Shit, the kid must be in dire straits to be doing that.

But it didn’t make sense. All systems were intact Tony had checked, double checked and triple checked everything- something he usually  _ refused  _ to do because he trusted his own judgement the first time; but he’d let his kid go out there so he didn’t mind sacrificing his pride in favour of being 100% certain that everything was working. So why weren’t the doors opening? “Everything is fine on my end kid, are you putting it in wrong?”

“N-no! It’s the exact one you told me!” Peter cried out, his voice wavering slightly, dipping into an odd tone Tony wasn’t used to hearing. 

“It can’t be or the doors would’ve opened.” Something wasn’t right- it had to be an internal error. Tony glances at Steve to corroborate what he was looking at. He’d given Peter a very specific code to remember, one that he wouldn’t have forgotten. In fact he was so sure he wouldn’t have forgotten it that he recalibrated the doors coding just incase- despite the lack of error messages. “Try it again.”

Tony watched on the cameras as Peter didn't even attempt to put in a pattern- he just spammed random buttons, spastically punching the keyboard. “It’s not working! Mr. Stark can you please just open the door- I can’t hold it much longer!”

“Kid.” Tony said lowly, ignoring the look he was receiving from Steve beside him for his sudden change in tone. “When did I give you the code?”

“H-huh?” The boy stopped moving for a second- as in  _ completely _ stopped moving. There was no way if Peter had to pee bad enough that he had to hold himself between the legs that he  _ could _ just stop moving. “Mr. Stark, can you stop asking me questions and just  _ open the damn door.” _

That was when Tony noticed the boy's voice was lower than it should be. Only slightly, it could’ve just been the feed from the microphones but that wasn’t the only thing that felt..off. His tone was wrong too- he was getting agitated. Even when he got frustrated with Tony he never demanded things so aggressively. It wasn’t in his nature; he’d seen Peter stressed and upset and- well he’d seen the kid literally pissing his pants before and Peter had never once used that tone of voice with him. Peter got  _ whiny,  _ not  _ angry _ . “Answer the question.” 

“I don’t know- this morning?! Just  _ let me in.”  _ Peter growled. 

That was it. He’d heard enough. Tony turned off the intercoms. “Steve. Lock him down.”

The blond blinked at him, looking horrified by the suggestion. “Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure.” He said calmly, in a low voice. 

Of course Steve didn’t want to question Tony's judgement but looking at the screen and seeing their youngest avenger- even if it  _ wasn’t  _ really their youngest avenger- tugged at his heartstrings. He couldn’t entertain the thought of accidentally doing that to the  _ real  _ Peter, especially when the little one had to pee. He knew better than to question the other man’s judgement but he couldn’t help it. “But- how do you know that’s not-“

“Because I know alright? He’s my kid, you think I can’t tell?” Tony snapped. He knew he had no right to be but he was a little insulted at the insinuation he could possibly be wrong about this. He spent literally every spare moment and then some with the kid, if anyone could spot an imposter it would be him. But of course he went on to give his reasoning because he knew it was heart wrenching to look at what  _ looked like  _ his kid doing an elaborate pee dance- and throw him in a cage. It was going to be difficult for him too even though he was confident. “I didn’t tell him the password this morning, I told him last night before I changed it. You know Skrulls only have limited memories from their hosts and it’s a code I  _ know  _ he wouldn’t forget. Besides, if that was Peter he would sooner wet himself before he dared to grab his crotch knowing you could see him.”

Steve bit his lip, still looking mightily uncomfortable, before he took a deep breath and nodded. With that both Tony and Steve engaged the protocols that set up their capturing procedures, watching over the monitors as the Parker-imposter was contained within a steel box and brought in through a hidden hatch on the side of the ship. If they weren’t sure before they most certainly were now as the screams that came out of that thing were definitely not Peter. Let alone the curse words. 

Of course in the commotion, Nat, Clint and Bruce rushed in asking just what the hell was going on, as all of their high security alerts were firing off. Alarms blaring, the lights going red and all exits becoming doubly reinforced despite being airtight anyway. The two heads of house quickly filled them in on the situation and Bruce and Clint manned the controls whilst the others went to greet their little guest. They took him to a holding cell, which was uncomfortable for all of them since despite his capture the Skrull insisted on staying in his Peter suit- probably to try and buy himself sympathy points, but the heroes didn’t plan on using unnecessary force anyway. They just planned on asking him a few..questions. 

But they’re interrupted in their questioning by another voice calling over the tannoy. 

“Uh- M-Mr. Stark?” Came a small familiar voice from the overhead speakers, which was fortunately back at its usual lilt and tone. But unfortunately that tone sounded distinctly distressed. 

Tony ran back up to the control room and saw Peter- the real Peter- and Thor outside the doors. Both heroes were standing over by the control panel spamming their codes in (correctly Tony may note) to no avail and they were looking increasingly animated. Well, at least one of them was. “Mr. Stark our passcodes aren’t working?”

Tony sighed and ran a hand over his face, already tapping at the various keyboards. “No kid, they're not, we’re on lockdown.”

“What- what h-happened?” Peter asked nervously. Tony didn’t fail to notice Peter was moving around a lot. More than his usual ‘I have ADHD and a tendency to get over excited’ way, and the man sincerely hoped the Skrull from earlier hadn’t modeled his pee dance off of the real Spider-Boy and that it had just been ad-libbed.

“I’ll talk to you about it in a minute.” Tony sighed again, brushing Peter off for the moment as he tried desperately to think. Despite knowing that it was the real Peter he still had to determine that it was the real  _ Thor  _ considering he knew they must’ve been separated at some point for the Skrull they currently had in their holding cell to be able to replicate Peter. That would have been ample time for another to quickly copy Thor, incapacitate the real god and join back with Peter before the kid had the chance to realise something was wrong. God he wished he had one of those detectors Fury had mentioned, if he’d known they could be up against Skrull’s before they left- but  _ nooo  _ leave Tony in the dark why don’t you? “First things first why the fuck did you two split up?”

Peter removed his mask to show a very guilty red face. “We- we didn’t mean to!”

Thor also flashed a sheepish grin. “It was only for a moment I assure you- and I had eyes on him almost the whole time!”

“I told you not to look!” Peter snapped, giving Thor a look of betrayal. Tony's silence was enough to tell Peter that the man was waiting for a proper explanation, or at the very least a decent excuse. The teenager shuffled uncomfortably, crossing his legs at the ankles before stepping to the side again and kicking at the turf. “I had to Uhm..well I still have to-“

“The child needs to use the lavatory Stark, can you just let us in?” Thor sighed exasperatedly. “I tried to have him go in the bushes but he refused-“

“I didn’t refuse! It wouldn’t come out!” Peter cried indignantly, resuming his little two step routine that was oddly reminiscent of his alien counterpart earlier that morning; only Tony knew this one was real. It wasn’t over exaggerated, if anything it was reserved and subtle (by Peter standards anyway) clearly the boy was trying his best not to let on just how badly he needed to go. Though of course Tony already knew it was urgent, if not by the fact the heroes had to come back early, by the little show Peter’s double had put on earlier. Clearly the creature, having copied Peter's recent consciousness, would know that the kid’s bathroom emergencies were a common occurrence; therefore being a plausible excuse to get into the base  _ and  _ he’d know that Tony and the rest of the team were particularly sensitive to that means of persuasion. Afterall, who wouldn’t do everything in their power to get a kid to a bathroom as quickly as possible? So what if he’s forgotten the passcode, their kid had to pee, surely they’d just..open the doors..

“Child you really need to learn to urinate in more unconventional places-“

“Mmm-  _ please  _ don’t say urinate right now!” Peter huffed, turning away from Thor. 

Tony couldn't help but chuckle at the exchange despite the building anxiety in his chest when he saw how frantic Peter’s movements were becoming. He knew from experience Peter couldn’t pee outside unless he was super desperate- though it looked like he was nearing that stage now. “Hold on guys, I have to reboot the system.”

“H-how long will the reset take Mr. Stark?”

“About twelve minutes give or take.” Tony replied calmly, feeling a stab of guilt when he saw Peter’s face drop. 

Thor’s expression dropped too as he looked worriedly over Peter’s shaking form. “Anthony, the boy won’t be able to wait that long, let him in.”

“Thor we still need to establish that it’s you first.” 

“W-what? O-of course it’s Thor!” Peter cried adamantly, though he did steal a side glance at the blond he was currently hiding behind and take a small step away. 

“You can’t be sure. You took your eyes off of him, remember?” Tony said coldly, feeling anger rise in him again. Once they got Peter to a bathroom and then both safely back inside they best believe they were in for it. That’s the last time Tony trusts Thor with their littlest if the pair couldn’t follow basic instructions. 

“Well yeah for like two seconds!” Peter huffed.

“That was long enough for a Skrull to replicate you.”

“It wasn’t even long enough for me to pee, I- wait, what?!” Peter asked. “One replicated  _ me?!” _

“That was the breach. A Skrull came up and did a little potty dance trying to get us to open the door. They must’ve realised that would get us to give in.” Tony said with a silent smirk, watching as even over the grainy footage Peter’s cheeks darken. 

“Did you?” Thor asked intrigued, ignoring the pout Peter was giving him at the question. 

Tony chuckled. “Almost. They were pretty convincing.”

“W-w-well I’m not faking.” Peter popped up, not finding the conversation nearly as amusing as the two adults with. “I’m really, really not faking.”

“I know you’re not, kid, I’m working on it I promise. Just hold on.” Tony assured him. 

“Well, how do you want me to prove myself?” Thor asked with a small sigh. 

Tony thought for a moment. It wasn’t as though they could use a sample of hair, or the man’s finger prints. Talented Skrull’s would be able to forge those details anyway. “Cut yourself.” 

Peter gawked in horror. “Mr Stark you can’t say that! That’s a horrible thing to say- take it back!”

“No- Peter it’s not-“ Tony sighed, wiping a hand over his face. “-not in that way. I’m not a high school bully- one of the only ways to tell is through the colour of their blood remember?”

“Oh.” Peter muttered, feeling stupid for having jumped to conclusions but also because he was even more confused. Peter didn’t remember Tony saying that at all but then he figured he’d just forgotten. He couldn’t help it, his brain was too full of pee. 

That wasn’t actually one of the ways to tell if a Skrull was in fact a Skrull, Tony had made that up on the spot; he figured a Skrull would attempt to argue, defend themselves and their races ability to replicate DNA let alone blood- but Thor was dumb. Thor usually followed orders blindly. And Thor was quick to prove himself by slicing his palm open with a rock he found on the floor, making Peter gag. Sure enough his blood ran red- not that that in itself was an indication but it was an indication that Thor has just gone along with Tony’s request without questioning it. 

Thor was entirely unphased by it though, and Tony was satisfied. The unquestioning stupidity along with the use of his left hand and correct passcode entry was enough to convince Tony that that was indeed their beloved Thor- especially when combined with the blonde undying defensiveness of their youngest ward, who looked like he was close to wetting his pants. “There, now that’s established, will you  _ please  _ open the door so Spiderling can relieve himself? You don’t even have to let me in if you’re still unsure, just let him use the facilities, I’ll wait here if I must.”

_ “Please?!”  _ Peter begged, bouncing where he stood and gripping the sides of his legs, clearly trying to avoid grabbing somewhere  _ else.  _

Tony cringed sympathetically, looking at the boy’s crossed legs and hoping,  _ praying  _ that he was just exaggerating. But he knew that was a false hope. “Guys I wasn’t stalling when I said the reboot would take a while, the systems are still on lockdown for another seven minutes.”

He heard Peter whimper and Thor growl frustratedly. “What’s the point in having all of this fancy technology if it doesn’t even work in our favour?!” 

“Mr. Stark I- I can’t wait that long..” Peter said quietly, darting back behind Thor, assuredly to hide from the camera as he was forced to grab himself between the legs. 

“Buddy you know a manual override would take me just as long at this point, there’s not much I can do for you.” Tony said as gently as he could without sounding patronising, his voice laced with guilt. He didn’t want to let on that he was worried about Peter’s ability to make it too. If Peter thought he thought he was going to wet himself, the teen would surely doubt himself too. “Just try your best, if you can’t wait it’s okay.” 

It wasn’t okay Peter was mortified. This is not how he wanted his first real space mission to go. 

Thor stood by watching helplessly as Peter dissolved into a squirmy mess. The child had been desperate before but apparently the prospect of getting onto the ship and using the toilet had excited his bladder- then only to have the doors literally slammed in his face had only made the situation worse. He’d gone from a 7/10 to a solid 9/10 on the Peter-pee-scale and they all knew from experience they didn’t have very long before that nine went back down to a zero.“Youngling won’t you please just go and relieve yourself on a tree?” 

“I-I can’t Thor! And- and Mr. Stark said we can’t split up- look what happened last time!” Peter hissed as he hopped from foot to foot. He was trying desperately not to squirm but he couldn’t help it. Every second he spent standing stationary sent another leak shooting out of him and into his underwear, which were very quickly becoming saturated. But even so he didn’t want to risk Tony being even more angry at him. He knew his mentor was going to be absolutely furious with him- which he knew was deserved. He’d tried to avoid going against the man’s rules, he really had but it was an  _ emergency.  _

“Then I’ll go with you.” Thor shrugged easily, trying to find a way to rectify the issue without it ending in one sopping-wet, sad Spiderling. 

But Peter shook his head. “I can’t go if you’re standing right there!”

“It looks like you’re going to go whether I’m present or not, little one.” Thor sighed gently, giving Peter a sympathetic look. 

“I- I can hold it- just five more minutes. I can hold it.” Peter said, trying his best to sound convincing despite the fact he felt like he couldn’t wait another five seconds let alone five minutes. 

But somehow, lord knows how, Peter did manage to make it those last five minutes. They consisted of a lot of whimpering, dancing and crotch grabbing whenever the child turned away but somehow he made it. Just when he was thinking he could  _ maybe  _ go on a tree instead, the second Peter heard the locks disengage he pushed himself off the wall he’d been leaning on and ran back over to them. “Oh my god Mr. Stark please open it- please please please!” 

“Two seconds bud- Peter don’t!” Tony yelled as Peter was about to use his super strength to make them open quicker. “You bust the locks we’re all fucked just wait two seconds-“

_ “I can’t!” _ Peter screamed, now openly grabbing his crotch not caring who could see him (which luckily was only Tony and Thor). He couldn’t wait another two seconds, his quick movements had weakened the last of his bladder's resolve and he was no longer just leaking; a steady stream was now rushing out of him quicker than he could dart between the barely open doors. He ran as fast as he could down the hall and into the small bathroom, locking himself inside. 

Thor and Tony both ran from opposite directions into the hall, looking at one another before towards the door and breathing a sigh of relief- both of them assuming that Peter had made it. But their moment of relief was interrupted by a small sniffling sob coming from behind the locked door.

Both adults ducked their shoulders and sighed; Thor electing to leave and let Tony handle the upset teenager (and possibly to go and harass an alien). But before Thor could walk away Tony had to stop him. “Hold it hotshot.”

“What?” Thor turned back questioningly. 

“We still can’t be sure it’s you, you’re gonna have to go in a cell.” Tony sighed tiredly. 

“Well have someone come and collect me then.” Thor shrugged.

“Ah fuck it.” Tony wiped a hand over his face. “When’s Peter’s birthday?” 

“Tenth of August, 2001.” Thor said without skipping a beat. 

“What’s my middle name?”

“Edward.” 

“What is Bruce secretly terrified of?”

“The toaster. But none of us are allowed to tease or Natasha said she’ll castrate us.” 

“You’re free to go.” Tony rolled his eyes and shooed the man away. He couldn’t be bothered to do any more invasive tests, besides- if the shapeshifter escaped or if Thor wasn’t really Thor, now they were on the ship it wouldn’t matter. They had security cameras that could tell them who the imposter was the second it changed again; and it was one little alien. The team could handle that themselves, right now Tony had bigger things to worry about. And god help the poor creature that tried to replicate him.

Of course he shot a quick message over to the rest of the team saying that who he  _ thought  _ was Thor was heading over to them, not him or Peter; so should the alien try it’s hand at copying them instead the rest of the team would know. So now he was free to try and coax Peter out of the bathroom instead. 

“Pete, you okay?” Tony asked quietly, knocking after five minutes of silence. He’d hoped once Thor had left that the boy would come out but thus far he hadn’t; probably in the hopes that his mentor would leave too but that wasn’t about to happen. Even without the possibility of aliens on the ship Tony wasn’t about to leave the kid alone when he was so obviously (even through a big metal door) upset. He gently knocked again, receiving no response. “Kiddo?” 

“Go away.” Peter sniffled bitterly, though his voice lacked any bite. 

That only confirmed Tony's already strong suspicion that Peter hadn’t made it. That was an issue with any super suit, they’re extremely difficult to take off in a hurry. “Ah bud, it’s okay-”

“No it’s not! I ruined the suit!” 

“What?” Tony frowned, wondering what the hell Peter had managed to do to it. A little pee was not enough to destroy the suit's wiring- though maybe in his haste to get it off of him Peter had managed to tear it somehow. “Of course you didn’t-“

“I did! It’s all wet and gross now!” Peter sobbed.

_ Oh _ , Tony realised, Peter was wearing his new Iron-Spider suit. This was the first time he’d worn it other than for testing purposes. Whereas his suit back home when uh..Peter made use of the filtration system, the liquid was quickly wicked away, the fabric in the Iron-Suit was entirely different, being that it was mostly made of metal as opposed to glorified spandex. “Pete, it's not ruined. It just doesn’t work the same as your one back home, you might feel wet but the suit’s fine, I swear. Did you leave your underwear on?” 

There was a heavy pause as Peter considered whether or not he wanted to answer that embarrassing question- even though it certainly wasn’t the first time Tony had been forced to ask. “..yeah?”

“That's why bud, the suit’s fine it’s just your..well your Underoos that are ruined.” Tony chuckled, though he only succeeded in making Peter cry harder. “No no Pete- I’m sorry! I’m sorry that was a bad joke-“

“Not the time Mr. Stark!”

“No you’re right kid, not the time.” Tony conceded with a small sigh. “Hold tight I’ll grab you some clothes okay?”

“Okay.” Peter murmured quietly, silently praying that none of the other Avengers wouldn’t happen to see Tony traipsing the halls with fresh clothes. Everyone would know what happened- oh god they probably already did.. As much as Peter adored Thor he wasn’t the best at keeping private matters  _ private.  _

“Then do you wanna go meet an alien?” Tony asked, hoping to elicit some kind of positive outcome from all of this. 

Peter sniffled in surprise, his tone changing. Much as Tony had predicted the prospect of meeting extraterrestrial life was enough to distract him from the trauma that was peeing himself as Spider-Man. “I get to meet them?” 

“Sure. You’ve gotta stop Thor from roughing them up, though.”

“What why?” Peter asked confusedly. 

Of course, being that his child was upset Tony was willing to ham up his Thor impression to make him laugh. “Where’s the bastard that caused Spiderling such upset! I’ll tear him limb from limb-“

“Oh god.” Peter laughed both at the idea of Thor getting so defensive and Tony’s Thor impression. 

“Exactly. So let’s get you cleaned up so we can go deal with that god. And your evil twin.”


End file.
